


rivers 'til i reach you

by goldfishsunglasses



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009!phan, Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Sad Phil, Skype, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 09:06:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5779849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldfishsunglasses/pseuds/goldfishsunglasses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil knows the distance between Rossendale and Wokingham isn’t that far, he knows that it could be worse, that Dan could live on the other side of the world, that entire oceans and continents could keep them apart, and he’s lucky because he’s found his person, the person who makes him the happiest, but there are some nights where seeing Dan on his screen isn’t quite enough</p>
            </blockquote>





	rivers 'til i reach you

**Author's Note:**

> takes place during [this](https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_CFY7k5iBAgYk5NQm5UblQ0VDA/view) call

“I want to touch you.”

Dan’s eyes don’t leave the screen of his television as his fingers fly over the plastic guitar, but Phil notices the small twitch of his lips as he fights back a smile.

“I know, you tell me that every day.”

“No,” he says, clutching the green and blue pillow tighter, his knuckles beginning to turn white, “not like that. I mean I want to actually touch you, I want to hug you, I want to feel your skin and oh god that makes me sound like some sort of serial killer, but I do.”

This admission gets him Dan’s full attention. Dan pauses the game and sets the controller down, propping himself up on one elbow. He bites his lip nervously because Phil’s acting strange and he’s worried he’s done something wrong. Through the screen and 300 miles away, Phil is wishing he knew what Dan actually looked like, and sounded like, because tiny screens and tinny speakers surely don’t do him justice. 

“What if the internet didn’t exist? Like what if it wasn’t a thing? I don’t mean like we had it and then it got deleted I mean what if it was never invented? And we didn’t know any other way?”

“But then you wouldn’t have met me.”

“But I wouldn’t miss you either.”

Dan looks confused; There’s a bit of tension in there air now, and Phil desperately wants to break it, but at the same time these things need to be said. Before he gets a chance, Phil notices Dan’s long fringe has fallen over his eyes. He goes to tuck it behind Dan’s ear, cursing softly as his hand hits the screen. Phil yanks it back quickly, embarrassed. Dan stares and his embarrassment turns to anger. He’s angry at the universe for bringing them together, but only slightly, only slightly and definitely not enough. Fuck the internet. Fuck technology. Fuck…

“I wish you were real.” He mutters bitterly.

“I _am_ real.”

“You don’t feel real.”

Dan doesn’t respond to that; Phil didn’t expect him to. He watches as Dan reaches for the controller again, and resigns himself to the fact that Dan doesn’t want to continue this conversation when Dan shoves it onto the floor and shuts his TV off.

“We’re going to bed.” He decides.

“What? Why?”

“Because we’ve been talking for almost five hours, and I have work in the morning, and you’re getting weirdly existential, and we need to sleep.”

“That’s not what that word means and you know it.”

“Well, excuuuse me, Mr. Big shot uni grad.”

“Let’s not trivialize an entire philosophy just because I’m a little down.” He grumbles.

“Phil, you’re _literally_ questioning my existence.”

“No, I’m not. I’m not…it’s just…dammit Dan, I wish you were here. Because if you were here this would feel real, and I wouldn’t be freaking out on you like this, and you don’t deserve this right now and–”

“Phil.”

“–I could just be happy with someone here, someone close that I can cuddle and kiss everyday, and I would be content with that. But now I know you’re out there, and I know I  
can’t be happy with anyone else because I’ve met you, but you’re far, and I can’t see you…at least not in person, and that seems so unfair sometimes, and–”

“Phil!”

Phil stops and releases his death grip on the pillow. Dan’s sitting cross-legged on his bed now, staring straight at the camera, and Phil knows anyone else would be looking at him with pity right now, but not Dan.

“You’re allowed to be sad, you know.” He reminds Phil, and Phil sighs. Dan gets him, Dan just gets him and they’re so in sync and they haven’t even met yet. Phil knows he’s falling too hard and too fast, they’ve only been talking for a few months, but they talk nearly all and every day and it’s years of friendship condensed into a short amount of time and it’s scary and exhilarating but he is sad and Dan knows it and Dan doesn’t judge and Dan wants to help and Phil feels it in his chest, the overwhelming affection for this boy who forced his way into Phil’s life. He wants to tell him, he wants to say thank you, thank you for not giving up, thank you for needing me, thank you for letting me need you, thank you for…

“Yeah, bed sounds good. I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning.” 

“It’s okay if you don’t.”

“I know.”

“I’ll be here.”

“I know.”

“Goodnight.” Dan whispers, and Phil echoes the same, watching as Dan’s eyes close. Phil mimics him, and he’s sure his troubled thoughts will keep him up, but he falls asleep quicker than expected, lulled by the sound of Dan’s soft breathing mixed with the gentle whir of his laptop.

And he dreams.

He dreams of first meetings, of Starbucks dates and Ferris wheel kisses and it all feels so real and so close and in the morning Dan will tell him about a similar dream. They’ll smile and laugh and Phil will make a joke about Dan coming to visit. Dan will get that twinkle in his eye that always shows up when he’s planning something and Phil will watch with curiosity as Dan’s fingers click-clack away at the keyboard. Minutes later, Dan will tell him he’s just bought train tickets to Manchester, seven to be exact. Phil will ask him to repeat what he said, because there’s no way that’s true, and Dan will grin and forward him the confirmation email and Phil will let out a nervous giggle when he sees the date of the first ticket, October 19th. That’s 11 days away and it will feel like forever but fly by so quickly and Dan will take a train and Phil will take a bus and they’ll meet on a busy platform, surrounded by thousands with eyes only for each other.

And it will all be real.


End file.
